


Canvas

by say_im_good



Category: VIXX
Genre: Drabble, Friends to Lovers, High School AU, M/M, Slowish build, highschool, i wrote this like a year ago sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 07:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_im_good/pseuds/say_im_good
Summary: "Will you stop time, even if this moment passes? If we touch hands will I lose you?"





	Canvas

Hongbin was always different. He liked pineapples on his pizza, wearing black in the summer, and the first day of school that every other high schooler so heavily dreaded. This was the ‘dreaded’ first day of his sophomore year, three more years to go total until he graduated and was thrust out into a world he was brutally unprepared for. But he had at least two and a half years until he absolutely had to worry about that… so he tried not to. It didn’t help much when he was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and embracing how suffocating it was to see no future ahead.   
   
The sun was hiding behind a veil of clouds, the asphalt still charcoal black and glistening with oils from the rain much earlier that morning. At six am, Hongbin was still drowsy as he clambered his way out of bed, rubbing his heavy-lidded eyes to maybe help them look a little less sleepy. It didn’t help much. He scrubbed his teeth and washed his face, combed his hair so that it wasn’t a tangled mess since the last time he did any of these things was maybe a week ago? Summer made the nights fly by and the days feel nonexistent. That was how he saw it anyway.   
   
“Ride your bike to school today, okay?” His mom called out the moment he opened the door. He didn’t need to ask why. She was going to work even earlier than he was going to school. He felt kind of bad for her, having to wake up so much earlier with makeup to put on and documents to organize. He didn’t know what he wanted to do in the future, but it definitely wasn’t anything that required too much formality and professionalism. He just wanted to get up, do his best, make people happy somehow, then do his own thing. That sounded good. But nothing really fit that bill that he could find. He’d find it…. He’d surely find his future someday.   
   
So long after his mother had hurried out the door, Hongbin finished his toast, dumped the plate into the sink to wash later, then made his way to the yard where his bike rest lonely, chained to the crumbling oak tree that was older than he was. The ride to school was dull, but comfortable. Hongbin loved the smell of rain, the smell of the road’s oils seeping out with the water and the smell of earth pressing through the dirty scent of city that piped up strongly when the sun was out. It was cloudy, giving the world a blue filter. This was nice. Hopefully it would stay like this forever. It wouldn’t though. It never did for longer than an hour or two.   
   
His first class was introductions, his second was introductions. He enjoyed the first day, even the first week of school, all because it was so simple. The entire schedule was review and introductions, make friends and go over what you already know with either easy or no homework to stress over. Summer was a blur, a blur that rushed by and made him feel like his final three years of stability were going far too fast. School gave him structure, and until the assignments would start to pile up, he’d relax in this scenario of meeting people and doing simple tasks.   
   
He sat with Wonshik at lunch today, Wonshik and Wonshik’s new friend, Sanghyuk, who the elder met at summer school. Hongbin dodged a bullet with that, not having to go thanks to gaining two points to his grade at the last moment. Summer school could be fun, but usually he didn’t know anyone. With one of the main reasons as to why he liked school being that he had his friends at every corner, Hongbin didn’t enjoy the idea of being alone in a classroom. Luckily so far he’d had at least one person to talk to through each class.  
   
It was only when the final class of the day, number four rolled around (as his school had an A B schedule), that he found an uncomfortable change of pace. The class was a general art class that he had signed up for in hopes that he’d find his calling there, a class that would go over various art forms as well as give students their own bits and pieces of freedom. The teacher promised in the bio that the students would have much more freedom with their art when they moved on to the more advanced version of the class that next year. Hongbin tried not to think of next year ever happening. Next year would be a year closer to graduation. He wasn’t ready.  
   
But as he walked into the room with long, smooth, thick-paned tables rather than desks and tiny stools rather than chairs, he realized that no face was familiar. Didn’t Wonshik have an art class…? They had compared schedules and had art for the same period, but Hongbin hadn’t checked for the teacher, assuming that there was only one… He bowed his head as he entered, trying to not make too much of a sight for himself as he sat in one of the rockier stools in the back right corner of the room.   
   
The teacher was a young woman, short and thin and blending in with the students entirely until she walked behind the desk and started typing on the computer. Her ears were pierced from the lobe all the way up, a snake decoration looping through one of the gages and curling up into a hair piece. Hongbin found that he liked her style, her sleeveless black jacket that fell low like a cloak and her bright yellow tank underneath, a black pencil skirt and black platform shoes that didn’t do much to help her height. Maybe he and the teacher would get along if she was as chill as she seemed. That relaxed him a bit, but not much. Teachers had things to do, they couldn’t sit and talk like students could. They couldn’t be friends. He crossed his arms on the table and hid his face behind them. Maybe Wonshik was just late and he did have this class…?

That was disproven when ten minutes after the tardy bell the teacher hurried up to the front with a bright smile. “Hi! I’m Miss Kang. Welcome to Art!” One more glance around. It was a small class. Most of the classes in his school had thirty to forty kids, but this one only had maybe twenty, probably a few less if he were daring enough to glance around long enough to actually count. No, he kept his eyes fixed on the teacher at the front. The friends he had he was lucky to have made through association and connections, like the party animal Jaehwan who knew everyone, or Wonshik who he followed around like a lost puppy. He couldn’t bring himself to speak to strangers without stuttering and flushing and getting awkward. After so many failed attempts, he refused to even try.   
   
She was speaking again. “This class will go over photography, acrylic painting, watercolor painting, drawing, pastels, more abstract things like cut-outs, clay…. Lots of things so that you can find your spot in the art world. Once you find what you feel you do best, next year you can take that specifically in its own class. For now though you’re stuck with me, at least unless you take drawing because that’s my specialty! ...Or maybe other things because that’s just how this school works. But moving on!” She nodded, puffing her cheeks determinedly. The teacher seemed rather childish personality-wise, but Hongbin was grateful for that. Most teachers that didn’t seem laid-back or playful like this would end up hating him by the first month. He was bad at turning in homework or anything that required personal motivation, and stricter teachers getting onto him only scared him into avoiding them completely, aka avoiding their assignments all together. He could survive with a C average. His mother wasn’t too strict on his grades and his father was always away. After years of failing, neither of his parents really were too concerned when he got lower than a seventy on a quiz, or had a missing score for homework.   
   
“So! I want you all to introduce yourselves. But not in person, because that’s kind of boring. I’m going to pass out some paper. You and the closest person to you that you don’t know get together and use the colored pencil sets I have up front to draw something together. I don’t care how you do it, whether someone does the outline and someone else colors or you both color at the same time, it doesn’t matter. This is a participation grade so don’t be too concerned on how it looks either, just have fun. Get to know them. I’ve learned that people don’t really try in class unless they have a friend, sooooo…. Get to it!” And with that she waved and plopped down in her desk chair, tapping away at her computer until there was a catchy beat playing quietly over the classroom’s speakers.  
   
Hongbin sighed, glancing around. The closest person to him that he didn’t know… What if they were mean? What if they’d rather be with their own friends? Hongbin already saw a group of three girls completely ignoring the instructions and pairing up together, dragging their stools to the same corner of one table and chattering away. He didn’t have time to look at the others… Someone was approaching him.   
   
“Hi, you were the closest person to me that I didn’t know.” A softly smiling face, black skinny jeans and a grey tee with some unfamiliar logo in black with combat boots. He didn’t really look above the person’s chest, not being too good with eye contact. “Hi,” Hongbin shakily responded, the stranger dragging up a stool with a squeal of the metal legs on the floor before they were sitting a foot away from each other. Whoever it was, he smelled nice. And his voice was nice, smooth but positive. “Hi. My name is Hakyeon, what’s yours?” Hakyeon. He had a pretty name, too. Hongbin used all of these things to try and convince himself to raise his head and look the stranger in the eye like a normal person, but he couldn’t do it. Not yet. He never made friends on his own, and people never approached him without incentive. This was strange, he needed to get used to this before he could dive too far out of his comfort zone. “Hongbin.” 

“That’s a cool name. Can I call you Bean? I like nicknames and my memory’s terrible so I won’t remember it for longer than a few minutes otherwise.” Hongbin found his lips curl up into a soft, shy smile. “That’s fine,” he replied quietly, feeling his fear whittle away slowly. This guy was alright. The both looked up quickly in the same direction as they heard the teacher whining at the three girls from before to separate and do what she told them, lest not get a paper and not get a grade. They quickly parted, sneering and going to the nearest stranger, not seeming at all willing to communicate with a person they didn’t know. Seeing this, Hongbin found himself wanting to try and talk to Hakyeon more. He didn’t want to seem stuck up like that.   
   
“Do… you know how to draw? Cause I kind of do, but I’ve never actually been in a class…” Hongbin trailed off as he realized this was a really long sentence, that it might be annoying, that he was only talking about himself, that he was expecting too much. The other person didn’t seem upset at all. “A bit. I like paint more, it’s messier. I like the mess. But I can shade fine.” He found himself slowly glancing up to finally look the other boy in the eye, thankful that Hakyeon was staring the teacher down waiting for the paper rather than looking back at him. Hakyeon’s hair was bright red, like firetruck red, like the color exit signs glow and the color that roses are supposed to be when they’re not dying in Hongbin’s mom’s garden and the color of….  
   
“Here’s your paper,” the teacher smiled, placing down a sheet in front of them. Hongbin wasn’t expecting it to be this big. How could the two of them possibly fill up this entire sheet? And was there just no prompt…? Hakyeon glanced back to him and wow, his eyes were beautiful. They were brown, as expected as most people where they lived had brown eyes, but they were a lighter brown, more like milk chocolate or milk coffee rather than coal, reflecting Hongbin’s image right back at him if he looked closely enough and shit, was he looking too closely? Was Hakyeon weirded out that he was staring…? But Hakyeon was already standing, hurrying to the front of the class and grabbing one of the huge boxes that she said was filled with various tones of pencil and taking a sharpener and a blender with him as he returned and plopped the thing down on the desk.   
   
Hongbin found himself opening the box, going wide eyed at what was before him. His mother only bought the twelve-pencil set, not really seeing the point of having more than the necessary colors since he could mix them all to make anything else, right? Wrong. Very very wrong, but she wouldn’t know. But here were tens of pencils, probably a total of two hundred and they were all different, even if just barely so. Skin tones, black fading all the way down to white, colors so bright they stung his eyes a little (especially the yellow that was like a highlighter on a blacklight) and the same colors just way, way toned down to seem almost grey. “Wow,” Hongbin found himself muttering, forgetting that Hakyeon was beside him until the other said in an equally entranced tone, “Wow’s right. Wow. That’s a lot, seriously. I’ve never had more than the twelve pack…”   
   
He didn’t know what they would draw until they were drawing, each boy starting on a corner, Hakyeon the top right and Hongbin the bottom left. While Hongbin drew swirls that he transformed into vines, covering those vines in transparent flowers because he was too lazy to erase for now and it should be covered by the colored pencils anyway, Hakyeon had traced waves and stars above those waves. Hongbin tried to copy and found that his own waves were nothing near what Hakyeon’s beautiful swirling, hooping ones were, so he colored them with various shades of red. “Lava?” Hakyeon asked softly, taking that gentle tone that Hongbin appreciated when people were focused on their art, that breathy, stress-free but careful tone. “Mhm,” he replied carefully. Would Hakyeon like it? Would he not? “Cool,” the other smiled before continuing on his own work again. He did. He did like it. Hongbin smiled, making the rest of his side of the page to what he thought Hakyeon would like until their images were crashing and Hakyeon just kept going into the spaces left between Hongbin’s art and Hongbin followed suit until their paper was stuffed full of skies and galaxies and birds and mountains. The side of his hand was stained shiny silver and he was sure he was smearing the pencil on the page, but Hakyeon didn’t seem to care because, upon further glance, his hand was the same way. They colored for a few minutes, and Hongbin realized that they did this differently. Hakyeon started with the dark colors, the shadows and the emphasis, before going right over that with scribbles of the softer ones, blending it out as it went while Hongbin carefully used the shading tool to drag over the flat differences between the tones until they were faded together. Either way, despite the minor differences, by the time the paper was completely covered their hands were cramping and the pencils were dulled and Hongbin felt a million times closer to Hakyeon than he could ever say about anyone else he’d only spoken a maximum of ten sentences to.   
   
The bell would ring in ten minutes according to the clock on the wall, and Miss Kang told them that if they were done to sign their names on the back and put on her desk (which was just three different tables pressed together to make a bigger space). Pretty much everyone did that, and while the rest of the class was hurrying to pack up, Hakyeon and Hongbin were doodling on the back too. “You draw well,” Hongbin said, feeling the words flow freely without the ropes of anxiety binding them back. “You do too. I like your style,” Hakyeon replied, his sparkling, milk chocolate eyes turning to crescents with his smile before he flipped the paper over and signed his name in one large scribble of a signature. Hongbin laughed, nervous to say what he was about to but sure that he could trust Hakyeon to not get mad. “How’s she gonna tell whose it is?” Hakyeon stuck his tongue out, glaring playfully before immediately letting up and jumping to his feet, stretching his arms above his head after a full hour or so of just sitting and drawing. “You can easily tell that’s an H, can’t you?” Hongbin scowled as he wrote his name neatly to the right of Hakyeon’s. “It looks kind of like an A to me.” 

“Whatever!” Hakyeon laughed and Hongbin found himself smiling as he followed the other with his eyes up to the front, Hakyeon chatting a bit with the teacher, who seemed impressed with how much they did and how well it was done in just an hour of time. “You two should work together more,” Hongbin barely heard her say. “I’d like to,” Hakyeon replied before hurrying back to the desk. Hongbin was happy. Here he was thinking he’d be alone in this class and now it was his favorite one so far.   
   
The bell rang and Hakyeon hurried to place his stool back where he got it, slipping a plain black backpack over one shoulder before moving back to Hongbin, who was just putting his mechanical pencil away into the pouch of his blue one. “Well, school’s over now. What are you going to do?” Hongbin thought about this, not really catching what was behind the question as he stood and brushed his brunette hair out of his eyes, adjusting his glasses that honestly were just for visual presentation and reading from far distances. “I guess I’ll go home. Maybe I’ll see if my friend wants to hang out. You?” Hakyeon thought about this before shrugging softly. “I might hang out with my friend too. Do you wanna hang out with our friends together? I want to be friends with you.” And Hongbin’s heart was beaming, he had to force his lips not to follow suit lest look creepy. “Sure. I’ll call my friend and see what he’s doing.”  
   
\--------------------------------  
   
That was how two hours later he, Wonshik, Sanghyuk, Jaehwan, Hakyeon, and Hakyeon’s friend got to the mall, spooning at ice cream in various flavors and portions, chatting casually. “So you’re really a senior?!” Sanghyuk gasped. Being a freshman made seniors probably seem unapproachable to the youngest male, but Hakyeon just laughed and nodded. “Yep! I’m actually seventeen years old, can you believe that?” Sanghyuk pretended to faint and Jaehwan caught him, pushing him up as five of them laughed, the sixth being Hakyeon’s friend who was strangely quiet. Hongbin couldn’t remember his name… He’d figure it out when someone said it eventually. “So Hyukkie’s a freshman… Shik and Hwan are sophomores… Wow. I guess we’re all ages here. Wonshik tilted his head, glancing at the raven haired male sitting quietly across from them, staring at Hakyeon who had previously spoken before reverting his attention to Wonshik when he began to speak. “Taekwoon, you’re a junior then?” Taekwoon, that was his name. Hongbin would have to remember that this time. The quiet male gave a soft nod and Hakyeon laughed, stroking Taekwoon’s back affectionately. “Sorry! Woon is a little shy….”  
   
“Don’t worry about it! We’ll open you up in no time! You should see Hongbin when no one’s around, he’s craz…”

“HEY! I’m right here!!” Hakyeon nearly fell out of his chair laughing and did manage to miss his spoon and get mint ice cream on his cheek, only resulting in him laughing harder. Hongbin found himself laughing as well, fully laughing as Taekwoon sighed and grabbed a napkin for his clumsy friend.   
   
\------------------------------  
   
“I made new friends today.” 

“That’s good, sweetheart.” Hongbin wasn’t expecting much, his mother too absorbed in her work to really respond once she got off at nine oclock that night. It was ten now and he really should be going to bed, but for some reason he was wide awake. The time he spent with his friends, new and old, was like a dream. He was too hyper with his joy to sleep. That dimmed quickly as he was ignored though and after he announced that he was going to bed without a response, he made his way up the stairs to his room and collapsed on the blankets. He had a dream that he and Hakyeon were paired artists, painting together on a canvas the size of a skyscraper, that beautiful smile and those milk-coffee eyes glistening in the cloud-veiled sun the entire time.   
   
\-------------------------  
   
After the first two weeks of school had passed, Hongbin was already stressed from the work. Chemistry equations were too mathy for him to even look out without getting a headache, Algebra (that he was retaking) was a nightmare of problems that made absolutely no sense, and English was demanding that he sources every sentence he writes, when his writing only really felt right when he was typing away with his mind somewhere else, not caring about where he got the words from or who he may be accidentally citing without pasting a long link at the end. Timelines, equations, essays, quizzes, tests to come… He was mentally blown and it wasn’t even the peak of the work he’d get. But unlike freshman year when he’d fake being sick so often that it seemed like he was dying, he had almost perfect attendance… Thanks to Hakyeon.   
   
They had another class together on B days, a communications class that was required by the school to be taken at least once to graduate. Hakyeon was forced to take it since he hadn’t yet as a senior, Hongbin choosing to throw it in with his electives since he really didn’t have anything else to pick, like sports, his other electives just being art and a cooking class his counselor gushed that he’d be good at. The teacher was another chill woman, older but honestly not minding how her class was ran as long as people did the work that was assigned. It was mostly introductions for the first week, Hakyeon and Hongbin sticking together like glue but slowly molding together into the flow of the class. Hakyeon was more open of a person, Hongbin discovered, as he usually spoke a lot once he knew who he was speaking to. Hongbin was a little more reserved, but he somehow found himself following Hakyeon’s lead and speaking more around him than he ever would normally. They sat together at lunch too, with the other four that made up their newly forming group. Hongbin found out that Taekwoon played on the soccer team and seemed even more anxious of a person than he himself was. He understood that and left Taekwoon alone most of the time, only speaking to him when necessary until he seemed more comfortable with the four new people Hakyeon dragged him to meet.   
   
Days passed like this, A days being exhausting with three core classes before art, then art calming him down before he went home or went out with the others. B days being a little more relaxing with only math to worry about and Communications with Hakyeon at the beginning of the day to wake him up. Weekends being lonely and dull unless he was texting one of his five friends. Hongbin had never felt so good though. Despite his grades already sinking a bit and this missing assignments in Chemistry already dinging on his phone’s alerts, he wasn’t nearly as stressed as he usually felt at this point in the school year.  
   
On the first day of October, Hongbin found himself walking past the dance hall before school, having come early to ask his English teacher if he could turn in an assignment a bit late because his schnauzer had shredded the neatly printed essay that morning, which happened to be the morning it was due. While she didn’t really believe that his dog had literally eaten his homework, she agreed to give him another day to reprint the thing once he showed her the shredded, chewed up pieces in a plastic baggie. He didn’t expect to pay much attention to the dance room, being too physically clumsy for dance, but the song was familiar and he was curious as to who was dancing at six in the morning when school started at eight thirty, so he peeked in.  
   
And there was Hakyeon. He was beautiful, leaping and pouncing, spinning on the floor and doing complicated twists and maneuvers that required so much flexibility that Hongbin was sure that if he tried to do it he’d just break his back and die. The song playing was Unravel, an opening in one of Hongbin’s favorite anime, which was what drew his attention. What kept his attention though wasn’t the song. He was in a trance, surely Hakyeon’s body, Hakyeon himself was casting a spell on him and keeping him here, knees weak, eyes unblinking as he stared through the window even after the song had ended and Hakyeon was human again, beginning to pant heavily as he laid spread eagle on the floor. Hakyeon rolled his head to the side and went wide eyed as he met eyes with Hongbin, and only then did Hongbin suddenly realize that he was totally staring from a window and that was really, really creepy. But Hakyeon only smiled, sitting up with his lips parted as he panted, motioning with his hand for Hongbin to come in.   
   
“You… Holy shit, Hakyeon, you dance like… Oh my gosh…” Hakyeon laughed, and was he blushing a little…? “I guess....” he muttered as Hongbin fell to sit behind him, handing him a bottle of water from his bag and the dancer quickly thanking him before chugging down the contents needily, a little water trickling down the side of his lip, Hongbin watching the transparent bead trickle down to his chin, then run down his sweat-glistened neck. He quickly reverted his eyes back to Hakyeon, who had put the now empty plastic bottle down and collapsed on the ground again, gasping out. “Wow, I really shouldn’t be this worn out. I haven’t done that in forever.”

“Done what?” Hongbin asked, genuinely curious. “Danced,” Hakyeon replied. “I used to all the time but I just… kinda stopped for a year or two.” Hongbin laid beside him and they laid together like this, staring at the ceiling, alone in this huge, echoing room with mirrors surrounding and bright lights making them squint. “Why’d you stop though. You’re so talented, seriously…” Hongbin felt his heart fall a little when Hakyeon laughed, almost like Hongbin was just complimenting him because it was the right thing to do. He would have if that were the situation, but that wasn’t the case. Hakyeon had literally blown his soul out of his body then shoved it back in with his dance. How could words express how stirred his heart felt right now so that Hakyeon would understand that he wasn’t lying to be kind…?  
   
“I… dunno,” the older male shrugged, his smile slowly fading, his eyes falling until they were heavy lidded, gazing at his knees which were propped up. “I just didn’t have the energy anymore suddenly. Weird how that works, huh?” Hongbin nodded, feeling like he both understand and didn’t at the same time. Hakyeon sighed before jumping to his feet, stretching his arms and reaching down a hand that Hongbin took to stand. “I’m gonna go get a muffin. Do you have breakfast?” Upon Hongbin shaking his head Hakyeon held his hand tighter and started to run to the door again, Hongbin quickly grabbing his bag off the ground to hastily follow as Hakyeon was in a hurry for some reason. “Then I’ll get you one too. They’re soooo good, seriously! I know one of the lunch ladies, maybe she’ll give them to us early!” 

And as they ran and as Hakyeon talked about how the school food was pretty terrible unless you knew what to order, Hongbin wasn’t focused on what meal to get later or what muffin to try between the chocolate chip or banana ones that Hakyeon declared were his favorite, he wasn’t focused on assignments, he wasn’t focused on what time it was. Hakyeon was holding his hand and he felt a strange tingling in his heart, like it was fluttering as it pulsed. He found his smile forming without permission and couldn’t will it away.   
   
\----------------------------------  
   
October twentieth. Hongbin laid on his bed, heart fluttering again as he hoped that despite it being a Saturday he’d get to see Hakyeon.  
   
“Hello?”

“It’s Hongbin.” 

“Binnie, hi.” Hongbin found his smile fading a little. Hakyeon didn’t have the energy that he usually possessed, usually seeming ecstatic on the rare occasion that Hongbin called him. “What’s wrong?” There was a pause. A long pause. Longer. Then a sigh. “It’s… I’m sure he won’t mind me telling you… Woon’s in the hospital again. I’m here with him until his dad can get off work.” Hongbin shot up from his resting position, eyebrows furrowing. “What?! Hospital? Again? What happened, is he okay?!” He still didn’t know Taekwoon that well but had grown fond of him over the few months he had sat with him at the same table every weekday at lunch. “He… Damn it, I don’t think he wants me to talk about this. Can you keep a secret?” Hakyeon only continued upon Hongbin promising that he wouldn’t tell anyone anything, too worried about Taekwoon to hang up without an answer. 

“He… gets bullied. A lot. It’s by the same group of kids, maybe you’ve seen them. But since he’s always around the athlete group he’s kind of… taken their attention. And since he’s quiet they think he’s weird, and apparently that’s a perfect fucking excuse for them to beat him when he wins a score that they couldn’t or whatever.” Hakyeon was furious, and Hongbin had never heard him angry before until the bitter frustration was being spewed out through his words. “I don’t fucking get it, Bin, what’s wrong with these people? If they don’t like him can’t they just mind their own business? I don’t get it…” Hongbin wished he could pull Hakyeon into a tight hug, stroke his hair and comfort him, but that was a weird thought and he pushed it away quickly. “Some people are just… jerks. Especially in groups. If one person wants to show off the others follow them. Group mentality leads to some really shitty things happening.” Hakyeon grunted a little, noting what Hongbin said but not having much to reply to it with. It was true and they both knew it. They just couldn’t do a thing about it.   
   
“Have you gone to the school?” Hongbin asked next. Hakyeon sighed. “Yeah, I did. You know what they said? They said that they couldn’t do anything without proof. And when both me and Taekwoon went to them saying it was those people they just shrugged it off! They said that such ‘wonderful kids’ wouldn’t do anything like that. I hate the administration too. They don’t care as long as we’re making good grades to make their school look good. They don’t care that Taekwoon’s getting shoved around by their stupid perfect kids. It’s horrible.” 

“Is… is he okay though?” 

“Woon? Yeah… he’s okay. He’ll be out of games for a while though. The doctor thinks that his arm is fractured but they need his dad around before they can do xrays, something about signatures and liability or whatever. Woon is conked out on painkillers and I can’t sign since I’m not family.”  
   
“And are you okay?” There was a pause, and Hongbin could feel the shock radiating through the phone. “Me?” Hakyeon slowly asked, just making sure. “Y.. yeah. I mean, it’s probably really frustrating and if you’re the one that ran the bullies off then…” Hakyeon sighed, but this one wasn’t in anger, wasn’t in bitter misery. It was more relief, and Hongbin relaxed as he could feel Hakyeon gently smile like he did on the other line. “Yeah… Just a few scrapes. I’m fine. Thanks, Binnie.”   
   
He hung up five minutes later when Hakyeon said that a nurse told him that Taekwoon was up and wanted to see him, feeling both relaxed and anxious, two feelings that really shouldn’t go together but somehow did.   
   
\---------------------------------------------  
   
November first.  
   
“He must like you.” Hakyeon laughed as the beige tabby cat rumbled with a loud purr, rubbing his face heavily on Hongbin’s leg, leaving tan furs all over his black jeans. Hongbin smiled, crouching down in the entryway of Hakyeon’s house and petting the cat until it was satisfied and pranced off to find something else to do. “He’s sweet. What’s his name?” 

“Magnus. It means ‘great’ in Latin. He was super full of it when he was a kitten and my mom likes ancient history so that was it.” 

Hakyeon led him back to his room. It was comfortable. The walls were navy blue, but it wasn’t overwhelming, the light of the big window illuminating the whole space even when the bulbs weren’t switched on. His bed had grey sheets, two fluffy pillows placed messily, one where his head would be and one on the side. He liked to cuddle when he slept then…? No, that was a weird thought so Hongbin quickly shook it out of his head. “This is my place,” Hakyeon laughed, falling back onto his bed before scooting over so Hongbin could join him. “I like it. It’s comfortable.” It was probably a weird compliment, but Hakyeon seemed to understand the feeling behind it and smiled. “I’m glad you think so.”

They stayed like this for hours, watching disney movies and scrutinizing the characters’ choices until they were laughing more at each other’s jokes and paying far more attention to each other than the actual movies. Hongbin didn’t even realize that the sun had long set until his mom was texting him asking if he was home. He was about to reply that he’d be there shortly, despite wanting to stay forever. Hakyeon seemed to sense that. “Do you… want to sleep over?” He didn’t even have to say yes out loud for Hakyeon to sense his drift and laugh at the enthusiastic explanation being typed to his mom, the older male standing to go grab a few more blankets and pillows and a bag of chips for more movies to come.   
   
Six hours later Hongbin glanced over to ask Hakyeon what movie he wanted to watch next to see that Hakyeon was fast asleep, lying on his stomach still, his head resting on one of his arms that was slightly hanging over the bed. He looked so gentle, his skin so soft, his breath so delicate on Hongbin’s skin and Hongbin realized he could feel his breath on his arm and then realized how close he was to Hakyeon suddenly and panicked. What if Hakyeon woke up and thought he was trying to hug him or something in his sleep? Wasn’t… wasn’t that weird? He shouldn’t get too close…. But Hakyeon looked so soft… and upon slowly grazing his hand over Hakyeon’s, Hongbin realized that he was warm as well, the room rather chilly otherwise. He pulled up a pillow to rest Hakyeon’s head on it so that he wouldn’t lose circulation in his arm sleeping like that, Hakyeon groaning cutely in his sleep and hugging the pillow his head was now on before relaxing again. Hongbin smiled, feeling his heart fluttering again. It had been getting more intense, and the question was there but up until now he refused to acknowledge it… Did he have a crush… on Hakyeon…? He fell asleep to this question, pulling up his own pillow and watching Hakyeon sleep, the other’s hand resting under his own until he drifted away himself.  
   
\------------------------------------------------

   
November tenth.   
   
“Your mom’s going to kill you,” Hongbin muttered as the six of them laid on the floor of Taekwoon’s living room, futons and blankets decorating the area as Taekwoon had surprisingly wanted not just Hakyeon but the others as well to celebrate his birthday. In response they had all gone all out, Hongbin bringing a large painting he and Hakyeon had worked on together in Art, a painting of Hakyeon’s cat, who apparently was Taekwoon’s favorite animal on the entire planet. He was ecstatic, quickly rushing off with the giant canvas to find nails so he could hang it in the living room. His father was a painter on the side of his job, so there were paintings like this scattered all over the room, things Taekwoon had done when he was five, things his professional father had made for commission that never got bought, things Hakyeon had made over the years of knowing Taekwoon… It was comfortable, even if a little cluttered.  
   
Wonshik got a shirt of Taekwoon’s favorite band and Sanghyuk got Taekwoon a soccer ball with the black replaced with blue and the white replaced with black, blue and black being two of Taekwoon’s favorite colors. He really appreciated the gifts, and Taekwoon’s thank you to them was one of the longest sentences Hongbin may have heard from him yet.   
   
Jaehwan brought balloons that shined in a black light if painted with a certain neon paint, a few options of colors coming with the balloons but Taekwoon’s dad having far more color choices. After painting every balloon with dumb faces (Wonshik and Sanghyuk), random squiggles (Jaehwan and Taekwoon), and landscapes and skies (Hakyeon and Hongbin), they used the remaining paint on Hakyeon’s plain black backpack. “Your mom’s going to kill you,” Wonshik quoted ten minutes later when the previously dull backpack was covered entirely with neon paints, signatures and doodles, short messages and details. “That’s okay,” Hakyeon laughed. “At least I’ll die happy, this is great.” And Hongbin couldn’t agree more.  
   
\------------------------------------------------  
   
December twenty-fourth.  
   
School had let out for two weeks for Christmas break and the six of them had spent every moment together. Hongbin found himself sleeping at one of the other’s houses more often than he slept at his own, his mom not really minding, saying that she’d rather he be happy than lonely since she was always at work. Seventy percent of the time it was Hakyeon’s house, where they’d stay up all night, cuddled up in layers of fluffy blankets, drawing little drawings on the huge, frost-fogged window. 

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Hakyeon asked, Hongbin slowly shaking his head. “My mom got me a gift, I got her one, but she has to go to work for some emergency tomorrow.” Hakyeon nodded, seeming to expect this. They knew each other’s families pretty well by now. Hakyeon knew that Hongbin’s family was pretty much nonexistent while Hongbin knew that Hakyeon’s was too overbearing, always angry over something whether it be chores or grades. They found peace in each other’s homes, the opposite of what they had being the perfect escape, completed only with the other being present at all times. Hongbin was sure now. He had a crush on Hakyeon. But how would he tell him…? What should he say? He was already an awkward person, what if he stuttered or Hakyeon didn’t like him back..? The scariest thing to him was losing Hakyeon, what if Hakyeon got awkward around him and didn’t want to be his friend anymore after he confessed…? He pushed it off. He’d do it later. He’d do it… He’d do it before Hakyeon graduated. Until then he’d cherish these moments. Sitting on the floor and drinking cocoa, watching the same disney movies on repeat just to have some background noise while they talked, just to be able to say they were doing something other than talking all night because they could, they could talk for eternity without losing something to discuss, something to debate, something to enthuse about. And Hongbin truly hoped that somehow, somehow they would be able to do this even after Hakyeon graduated, even after Hakyeon went off to that dance school on the other side of the country that his parents went on and on about, even after Hakyeon grew up when he himself refused to.   
   
“If you don’t have plans, let’s hang out. My parents are going on vacation starting tomorrow… Weird timing right? Honeymoons though… But I have nothing to do either. Let’s hang out.” Hongbin smiled and Hakyeon smiled and they just smiled at each other until they broke up laughing at how awkward it should be and how chill it actually was.  
   
\----------------------------  
   
January thirty-first.  
   
“Come onnn, hyunnnggg!” Jaehwan whined. “I’m almost done!” Hakyeon whined equally as childishly from behind the bathroom door. They were all dressed up, whether they wanted to or not. Jaehwan, Wonshik, and Sanghyuk were associated with the nightlife and insisted that Taekwoon, Hakyeon, and Hongbin come with them to this ‘super awesome club that didn’t require an ID and had the most epic music.’ Hongbin only sighed when Wonshik insisted on putting some eyeliner over his eyes to give them some definition, some dashes and glitter on the sides to make his eyes stand out much more. He got away with a pair of torn black skinnies, but his black tank was splatter painted with neon dye, and he was sure that wearing a choker like this made him look at least the slightest bit slutty despite how they insisted that it was common. His hair was slicked up with too much gel and if Sanghyuk hadn’t called him sexy twenty times he’d probably have refused to leave the house looking like this.   
   
Taekwoon fought much more than Hongbin did, refusing to wear anything, refusing to even go until Hakyeon was convincing him that it was just one time and that he wanted the six of them to have fun before he graduated and had to move for college. Hongbin tried to ignore it when Hakyeon said that. He always felt his heart fall into his gut when he remembered that he only had a few more months with Hakyeon.   
   
Finally the door opened, and he was speechless. Hakyeon’s bright red hair was glistened with glitter, and while Hongbin had just called the dog-collar style choker slutty earlier it looked so attractive on Hakyeon’s long, tan neck. His shirt was silver, metallic style, and it seemed he also argued for black torn skinnies because his jeans were almost identical to Hongbin’s, just way more shredded up, especially on his thighs, tan and thick and beautiful and…. Hongbin willed himself to shut the fuck up and stop being a creep. His shoes were black platforms, fitting the scene they were going into and yet making him as tall as the others when previously he was just a bit shorter. Hongbin couldn’t find words and didn’t try to speak in case he’d sound like a babbling idiot. Hakyeon was gorgeous.  
   
He couldn’t take his eyes off of him even as they piled into Jaehwan’ red SUV, feeling his body heat up in a flush as Hakyeon was sitting right next to him, warming him even as it snowed outside. He was squished against him due to there being three people in the backseat, Hongbin, Hakyeon, and Taekwoon, and with Taekwoon staring dully out the window it left the two of them feeling alone. Hakyeon glanced at Hongbin who was already staring at him and smiled teasingly. “You look cute,” he smiled before giggling a bit. Hongbin couldn’t tell if it was a joke or serious, but he begged that he didn’t respond to it, begged that his blush was mistaken for the cold air’s effect on his face, begged that Hakyeon wouldn’t feel him tense at his side to try and contain the butterflies that were thumping against his ribcage, desperate to be free like the confession that he refused to release yet.   
   
The club was packed and the others were gone in an instant despite Wonshik’s promise that they’d stick together, though that was to be expected from them. Hakyeon and Hongbin found themselves alone with their fourth round of empty drinks in hand, sitting against the wall in a tiny booth and watching the lights flash on various scantily but uniquely clothed dancers. Girls with springy cyberlox and extremely fluffy leg-covers, guys with short, glowing shorts and rainbow beads going all the way up their arms from their wrists to their shoulders. It was euphoric, just being there, and after five minutes after the alcohol had set in Hongbin could feel Hakyeon itching to go to do what he always said his body was created to do. He finally asked two minutes after that. “Do you want to dance?” Hongbin smiled and nodded, and they made their way to the glistening floor.  
   
The feeling of Hakyeon’s body against his, the warmth in the freezing room, the pressure that was just right, the soft grazes to the desperate presses of his hands, his hips, his chest, him. And he looked into those eyes for the first time without telling himself to look away, without calling himself a freak. He looked into those milk chocolate eyes for what felt like hours straight just as those glistening eyes peered up at him with so much longing that Hongbin could breathe it, could feel it filling up his lungs, transferring through his body, Hakyeon’s longing, his own longing, all mixing into one. Those warm, tan arms were around his neck as their hips pressed together, those soft lips were grazing his collarbone, not doing anything, just putting pressure before making their way up… Hakyeon pulled away for a moment, staring up at Hongbin again, asking, pleading… Hongbin slowly closed his eyes, and they were kissing.  
   
It was gentle, then it was desperate, but throughout the pace it was slow. A slow, messy kiss with tongue and teeth knocking together every few slip ups, with Hakyeon nibbling on his bottom lip and Hongbin pressing his tongue in to explore every inch of Hakyeon’s mouth.   
   
They didn’t break until their bodies were stabbing their nerves with the need for oxygen and even then their lips were still slightly connected as they panted against each other’s breaths, resting their foreheads together, still moving slowly with the heavy beat and intense music that was barely existent to them anymore as all that was real in the world was each other. “Bin…” Hakyeon whispered against his lips, his arms still linked around Hongbin’s neck. “Yeon…” Hongbin responded, his arms curled around Hakyeon’s slim waist, grazing up and down his lower back but refusing to dip any further in fear of losing all control right here, already desperate to feel more of Hakyeon, to feel everything there was about the person in his arms. “I love you… a lot…”   
   
And his heart stopped. Was it the alcohol speaking…? Was it just the intensity of the kiss…? Was it this surreal feeling that being in this dark club with these bright, neon lights, lost and strangers to this world, only having each other…? Or was it true…? Was it… was it true…? It could be true… “I love you so much…” his words slurred a little but he kept on firmly, almost as if he had to say this to continue living, as if this confession was crucial to their existence in this moment. “...so much that I can’t stand it sometimes… I just want to hug you when I sleep and never let go… I want to kiss you… like that… all the time…” And Hongbin could cry with how happy he was, with how much joy was flowing into his heart, with how it was flooding it, making it bulge, risking exploding. “Please love me too… please love me…” 

“I love you,” he replied in the same soft voice, the soft tone that reminded him of when they draw or paint together, like that first day they met, that softness that came with focus, concentration but never with judgement or disappointment. “I truly love you, Hakyeon…” and he felt the butterflies escaping through his words, the fear, the anxiety, everything being set free, flying and circling around him and Hakyeon, binding them in their words as he begged, begged that it wasn’t just Hakyeon’s intoxicated attachment but actually how Hakyeon felt. And they kissed again and again, they kissed and danced as they kissed and Hongbin wiped a freezing tear from Hakyeon’s winter-chilled cheek as they kissed and they didn’t stop kissing until Taekwoon was telling them that they needed to get home, that Sanghyuk’s mom had found that he had snuck out and was furious. And even then were they lost in this surreal world, their hands tightly held as they hurried after the group to the red SUV, piling in and resting silently at each other’s side.  
   
\-------------------------------  
   
February first.  
   
“Four, sir… The other two…” Unfamiliar… who was that? It wasn’t his mom… it wasn’t Hakyeon’s… It wasn’t Taekwoon’s dad or Wonshik’s or Sanghyuk’s or Jaehwan’s….

“...driver intoxicated….” Hakyeon… where was Hakyeon…? He opened his eyes slowly… His eyelids were so heavy but something felt wrong, something felt off and he needed to find out what. Hongbin sighed in relief as he saw that crimson hair resting on his shoulder. He raised his hand to stroke his fingers through it softly. He and Hakyeon… they loved each other. They were together. He wouldn’t lose Hakyeon in June when he’d move, they’d still talk, they’d still love, they’d still visit. But when his hand came into his blurry vision he paused as it trembled before him… Was that… blood…? The red rolled down his hand, tickling his arm where it trailed. That was a lot of blood… His hand was too weak to hold itself and he ended up letting it rest of Hakyeon’s head anyway, not considering how the blood was making the red hair sticky, just figuring in his dazed state that the colors would mix, Hakyeon’s dye and his own blood, just like the two of them had mixed in that kiss just earlier before they must’ve fallen asleep…   
   
“B… Bin…?” It was Wonshik. He sounded distant, outside of the car. Why was he out of the car…? Weren’t they supposed to be driving home…? For Sanghyuk or something that he didn’t really catch before..? “Bin, I need… I need you to answer me if you’re… If you’re…” Why was Wonshik crying…? His sob caught his words in a choke. He tilted his head a little and willed himself to slowly mutter out, “Won.. shik…” His voice was so scratchy, like a croak. His slight shift made Hakyeon’s head slump further onto his shoulder. He could feel Hakyeon’s weak breath against his bare arm now. It was comforting. He just wanted to go back to sleep. “He’s alive, he… he just said something, someone come get them..! No I swear they’re alive, don’t leave them, hurry!!” Taekwoon was yelling… Was this some sort of strange dream…? What got Taekwoon so frustrated to yell like that anyway…?  
   
Someone was grabbing him, cold, unfamiliar hands and he was trying to shove them away limply. The alcohol in his system must’ve made him weak but he just wanted to sleep, he didn’t want to be pulled away, he was comfortable here with Hakyeon. “Son, I need you to come with me. Can you hear me?” A man, an older man… Suddenly he felt uneasy… horribly uneasy, then desperately so. He opened his eyes again then slowly shifted, Hakyeon’s entire body slipping with his motion to fall into his lap… and his eyes went wide.   
   
A tree branch was extending through Hakyeon’s shoulder, another through the left side of his stomach… He was bleeding so much, his eyes closed… His breath was weak… his breath had been weak… Hongbin felt tears stream down his cheek as he tried to shake Hakyeon’s head a little, it usually woke him up doing that so why wasn’t he waking up?! “Hakyeon… Hakyeon!!!!!” The man, the officer was trying to get him to calm down but he couldn’t hear a word, sobbing as he stroked his fingers through crimson hair, kissed him, everything, nothing was working, Hakyeon..!! “Come with me so we can get you two out or you’ll both die!!!” He heard that. Why would he die?! And no!! Hakyeon wasn’t CAPABLE of dying, not yet!! Unlike Hongbin he actually HAD a future, and people with things ahead of them didn’t just die! He wouldn’t die, he couldn’t die! Hongbin could, but not Hakyeon, of all fucking seven billion people in the world it couldn’t be Hakyeon…  
   
He was being dragged out of the car, the vehicle mangled as a giant tree had impaled it, the front crinkled harshly. They must’ve sped into the tree at something near eighty miles per hour… and with Hakyeon sitting in the middle seat… with nothing to block the piercing branches… Hongbin was screaming, struggling until someone was injecting him with something and even still, even as he drifted away, he still cried and cried, reaching out to touch Hakyeon again, to hold him, to kiss him and tell him he loved him and hear him say it again because damn it one night wasn’t enough!! One night wasn’t fucking enough!! They had years together, Hakyeon had years ahead of him, decades, this couldn’t be it, this couldn’t be it, this couldn’t… be….   
   
...it…


End file.
